Life is a whirlwind

My life is a whirlwind of emotions. Sometimes I feel no one would believe me or think I was a freak. I am a middle aged married man with grown children. I've tried talking with my wife but she just says go see a professional. When I was 11 I was raped by 3 men while my mother watched. Later she told me that she was sorry and going through her own as she was raped by them as well. That was not the last time I was raped as a boy or grown man. By 13 I was being used sexually by many men. At that time i was enjoying having men sexually and I prostituted myself out. I had sex with only men such as teachers, neighbors, business men,police officers, and so on. I was also sexually active with my mother as she too sold herself. Many of her johns cane to me afterwards. Thinking back it amazes me how many men enjoy f__king boys. Some were nasty pigs. Others were brutal and few made the sex nice. I had a friend in the neighborhood that I taught him how to Jack off with, blowjobs, and sex. His mom and mine would have lesbian sex together and that allowed us to have gay sex together. Our mothers encouraged us to enjoy our boy sex as often as possible. My mother taught me how to be with a woman and make them feel good. I learned all the foreplay of eating them out,where to caress them. She would have me sleep in her bed with her most nights so we could have sex. She had a variety of VHS tapes of porn for us. Everything from gay,lesbian, interacial,taboo, etc... this continued till I was 16 with her and selling my boy body. I had "girlfriends" who never knew my other life. No one did except me and my mom. We were very good at hiding it. At 15 I was made a ward of the state until I was 18. From that period I never was with another guy. I'm not gay I was surviving my element that was handed to me. My mother was put in hospital for depression and bipolar and loss custody of me. I led a normal teenage life with girlfriends and regular friends. At 18 I left the state school with a HS diploma. 2 days after leaving I was arrested for 2 counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. I purchased alchohol for my 17 yrs old gf and one of her other friends. When I was in county things changed. Judge set my court date to 180 days after arraignment. Everyday of those 180 days in jail i was raped 4 to 5x a day some days more. I was 147 lbs. Blue eyed, long black hair,and as my rapist put it a sweet fine ass. They would say look he enjoys it. They would say that because I would get hard, and have orgasms.as well as moan and groan and sometimes masturbate sucking their BBC'S. I will say I was repulsed everyday I was raped. The guards at times would even watch and masturbate through the cell bars while it was happening. A friend came to visit once and I was humiliated in the visiting room as I was made to hold my "daddy's" hand in front of my friend and introduce him as my "daddy".I saw the look in my friends face of pity. Before we went back to the cell just to humiliate me further he slapped me so hard and said "bitch walk your faggot ass behind me or I'll beat you here". It took every ounce not to cry, but I managed. When back at the cell he and his boys let me know exactly how much of a sissy bitch I was and brutally raped and beat on me. I thought many times how can I kill myself to end this. I just never could build the courage to do it. I kept telling myself it won't be forever. After I was released I never spoke of it to anyone again until right now. I moved on got a job, dated a beautiful woman and just lived normally. I joined the army during desert storm and later after serving my term was honorably discharged. 5 years after that I got married and had 3 wonderful children. During our marriage my wife wanted to use a strap on to f__ck me I agreed but later told her I needed a bigger one. She was very much into swinging and watching men have gay sex. She convinced me to do this and suddenly a b bunch of emotions came to as I was having sex with this man. I became very sexually active with many men. She as well was dabbling in sex with black men which became an overwhelming emotion as we moved a black man in our home and for 2 years he was f__cking us both, he also brought his boys over. I was into being their bitch very much as was my wife. I also hid that I was in a relationship with another married man at work until we were fired for homosexual acts during work hours. She got pregnant with one of their babies and we divorced. 18 years later I've been remarried and have not been with other men until couple years ago at a party I woke up to a guy I knew had taken my clothes off and was between my legs starting to penetrate me. When he saw I woken he started saying he was sorry and he was drunk and went to get away when I I shocked us both and grabbed his hips and told him to fuck me. So now from time to time I'm hooking up with men for sex and sometimes going to a known gay bar and engaging in group gay sex and gay orgies. Not long ago I was in a bathroom at the bar on my knees when a co worker came in. Now me and him are meeting daily for sex. Oh what a whirlwind


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